Why it’s great to be a guy

Phone conversations last 30 seconds

You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase

Bathroom lines are 80% shorter

You can open all your own jars

Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight

When clicking thru the channels you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying

People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them

You don’t have to lug a bag of “necessary” items with you everywhere you go

You can go to the bathroom alone

Your last name stays put

You can leave a hotel room bed unmade

You can kill your own food

You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother

The garage is all yours

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

You see the humor in “Terms of Endearment”

You never have to clean the toilet

You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes

Wedding plans take care of themselves

If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend

Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3

None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades

You don’t have to shave below your neck

You can do your nails with a pocketknife

You don’t have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night

If you’re 34 and single, no one notices

Chocolate is just another snack

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat

Flowers Fix Everything

You never have to worry about other people’s feelings

Three pair of shoes are more than enough

You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood

You can say anything and not worry about what people think

You can whip your shirt off on a hot day

Car mechanics tell you the truth

You don’t give a flip if someone doesn’t notice your new haircut

You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking “He must be mad at me”

One mood, all the time

You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him

Gray hair and wrinkles add character

Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks

You don’t care if someone is talking behind your back

You don’t pass on the desert and then mooch off someone else’s

Foreplay is optional

If you retain water, it is in a canteen

The remote is yours and yours alone

You need not pretend you’re “freshening up” when you go to the bathroom

If you don’t call your buddy when you said you would, he won’t tell your friends you’ve changed

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected

You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked

If something mechanical didn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet

You can write your name in the snow

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes

You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny

One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 15 people on the day before Christmas and in 45 minutes

Same work ….. more pay